Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Keeper League Confidential: The Kardashian Konnection

Last week, the Zombies took a moral victory out of defeat; this week, we just took defeat. And the real difference makers in this week's game were unexpectedly ex-boyfriends of Kim Kardashian. Unfortunately, I had the ex-boyfriend who can't score points, and my opponent had the one who could.

My ex-Kardashian, Reggie Bush, was the starting RB of the Miami Dolphins going into the game. However, when the dust settled, Bush had gained only 18 yards on 6 carries and 3 yards on 1 catch--for a whopping total of 0 fantasy football points. Meanwhile, his understudy, rookie Daniel Thomas, ran for 107 yards on 18 carries in his first ever NFL game. Plus, he added a reception for 10 yards (and a fumble).

Reggie Bush hasn't been the same since he quit doing Kardashian push ups.

Luckily, I used my first overall pick in this year's draft to handcuff Bush with Thomas. So long term, I'm golden. In this particular game, not so much.

My opponent's ex-Kardashian, Miles Austin, did next to nothing for the first 28 minutes of his game. Then, right before halftime, he scored his first touchdown. By the end of the game, he'd gained 143 yards on 9 catches--3 of those for touchdowns. His total fantasy football score: 24 points.

Miles Austin apparently wasn't into doing girlfriend push ups.

Needless to say, in this battle of ex-Kardashians, my team came up short. I started the wrong ex. Oh well, all is fair in love and fantasy football (sorry, I couldn't help myself).


Week 3 Tip: Freak out!

Last week, I advised you not to freak out if your team lost its first game. However, if you're now sitting at 0-2, it's officially time to go crazy. Okay, not really. But you can start considering more significant adjustments to your starting line up. For instance, after two straight weeks of big-time production from Steve Smith, I'm promoting him to the starting line up over Mario Manningham (who suffered a concussion on Monday night). I'm also slotting in Mike Tolbert over both the Miami RBs until I know for sure who is actually going to be the lead back over there. Plus, injuries have hit my team, and I'm making adjustments to account for that.

Speaking of which...


Waiver Wire Watch: Week 3

QB: Jason Campbell, Oak. I mentioned Campbell heading into the season, and he's now put together 2 solid weeks of fantasy football. He's not flashy, but he's got a big arm and fast WRs (Oakland always drafts for speed). He may be the best option out there at the moment.

QB: Matt Hasselbeck, Ten. Speaking of not flashy, Hasselbeck is about as un-flashy as you can get, but he has Kenny Britt and Nate Washington to hit, and you know, the lightning bulb is going to come on sooner than later for Chris Johnson. Hass has already put together two solid games, and he has the potential to do even more damage once the running game takes off.

RB: John Kuhn, GB. Kuhn is quietly turning into a TD vulture, scoring once in both week 1 and week 2. He's an option for leagues that don't have any starters available.

John Kuhn is making a habit of diving into the end zone this season.

RB: Ben Tate, Hou. If Tate is available, snatch him. However, he's probably not available in most leagues.

RB: Any Chiefs RB who isn't Jamaal Charles. Charles is out for the season, and the obvious fill-in is Thomas Jones. But Jones is over 30 and not super productive (averaging barely 3 yards per carry). Dexter McCluster is fast and explosive--like Charles--but he's inexperienced and super undersized. The sneaky sleeper may be Le'Ron McClain (formerly of the Baltimore Ravens). He's big, experienced and young. Of course, Kansas City currently looks like a train wreck, so it might not even matter.

WR: Devery Henderson, NO. If he's available, what are you waiting for? A third game of 100+ yards and a TD? If he's available this week, I don't think he will be next week.

WR: Eric Decker, Den. Who's my number 1 pick up going to be? The guy who could not only be lined up for a huge breakout season but also a long and successful career. This guy. In week 1, he returned a punt 90 yards for a TD. He followed it up in week 2 with a 5-catch-100-yard-and-a-TD game.

Say hello to the newest member of the Zombies!

WR: Nate Washington, Ten. He's currently on pace to have 104 receptions and 1,328 yards for the season with two solid games in the shadow of Kenny Britt. If he starts grabbing a TD or two, he'll be winning games for his smart owners. If nothing else, he's a super bye week play.

TE: Fred Davis, Was. If you need a TE, here's your guy. Through the first two games of the season, he has 11 receptions for 191 yards and a TD. Those are WR-caliber stats. Of course, the only possible downside is that Chris Cooley is currently recovering from injury and may start to eat into those stats.

DL: Michael Johnson, Cin. No one's talking about him. No one owns him. But he's put together two very good games in a row and has been a sleeper on Cincy's D-line for a few years now.

DL: Jason Hatcher, Dal. He was promoted to started D-line for Big D in week 2, and he responded with 4 tackles and 2 sacks. If he can keep this up in Rob Ryan's blitz-happy defensive scheme, then he could become a star (get it? awww... nevermind).

LB: Wesley Woodyard, Den. Replacing the injured D.J. Williams, Woodyard has registered 19 tackles so far and will continue to do so...at least until Williams returns.

You don't want to anger Angerer.

LB: Pat Angerer, Ind. Speaking of tackles, Angerer now has 21 on the season.

DB: Lardarius Webb, Bal. There are plenty of defensive stats to go around with the Baltimore defense. For instance, Webb has 21 tackles and half a sack. And you've probably never heard of him, right?

DB: Morgan Bennett, GB. Bennett is putting up similar numbers to Webb for the Pack Attack.

Not sure that I can be bothered to recommend kickers again. After all, they are kickers.


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